Really, there are two lenses that we can see through. And I would like to encourage her to try on a different lens. It’s about the lens this parent is wearing through which she sees her daughter and her daughter’s behavior. In this story, I believe it’s about lenses. I do always feel like my point of view is not going to be agreed with by everyone. And there may be a lot of other people here who don’t, and I think that’s always the case with my podcast. But that doesn’t mean that this parent can’t make a change quite soon if she’s committed and if she believes in the perspective I’m going to be offering. This is kind of a complicated one and I’m sensing that the dynamic between this four-year-old and her mother has gone on a bit in this direction, so it’s not going to be this quick, simple thing to change tracks. I don’t need my daughter to be a robot like I was but I do need her to find a better way to express that she is angry with me other than saying hurtful things and doing unsafe actions.

If my father told me to go outside and mow the lawn, I was outside mowing faster than you could say, “Don’t forget the weeds.” I would never, ever have opened my mouth back to my parents. I will add that I was raised by strict parents and I’m actually a huge fan of rules. I don’t know what to tell her to do in place of those actions. You cannot slam doors on my face and you can not throw everything off the table in a fit of anger. I really feel like I need to address it in some way other than, “It’s okay to feel this way and I’m right here with you.” Because, yes, you can feel like you hate me but you cannot pull things out of my hand. I try to let most of her emotions exist but when she’s trying to hurt me and make me sad, I can’t just let it pass. She does not use curse words, we don’t use them as parents.

Or if I tell her to, “Please give me the pen back because we’re not drawing right now,” she will rip it away from me and grip it for dear life, calling me the worst. She is obsessed with her father and basically tolerates me, which I don’t argue with, but if I come home from work without a present for her, she’ll say something like, “You’re the worst mommy in the world.” Or if I give a toy back to her little brother that belongs to him and she ripped it out of his hands, the face she gives can turn me to stone. I love that about her and I don’t want to dampen that voice because I know that as a girl growing into a woman, she will need to continue to be strong willed and use her voice, but maybe not now at age four with mommy. She is smart, funny, loves an audience, loves existing and is incredibly strong willed. There must be a better way to say that but that’s what it feels like. So far I’ve not heard the topic of quote, “mean four year olds,” unquote, being addressed. I’m a huge fan of your podcast and listen whenever I can.

There must be a better way to say that but that’s what it feels like.” Her daughter is in her description, smart, funny, incredibly strong willed, lively, and the parent doesn’t want to dampen her voice but is struggling with the treatment that she’s getting from her daughter. Today, I’m going to be responding to an email I received from a parent who shares, “I have not heard the topic of quote, ‘mean four-year-olds’ being addressed. Transcript of “My Child Is So Mean to Me” Janet offers a perspective on the situation that she believes will help this mom better understand her daughter’s unconscious motives and intent, and ultimately ameliorate the behavior. “I need her to find a better way to express that she is angry with me,” she writes. A parent’s email describes her 4-year-old daughter as smart, funny, incredibly strong-willed, but sometimes “downright mean.” While she appreciates her child’s spirit and doesn’t want to stifle that, when she says mean things to her she doesn’t feel it’s enough to simply acknowledge her daughter’s emotions and let slide her hurtful words and behavior.

Funny things 3 year olds say